poem of the day
i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh… And eyes big love-crumbs,and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you so quite new
-e.e.cummings
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a blue true dream of sky
i repeat this to myself often, and when i did so again this morning while riding through the clear warm spring green lush sunshine on my way to work, i realized it’s probably the closest thing i have to a prayer.
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any–lifted from the no
of all nothing–human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
–e.e.cummings
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hello, 2008
this has been a really long and interesting week, and (finally) many changes are afoot.
monday night, jay, orange and i went to see electric apricot, which, as noted in that post, was a fun little trip down memory lane. sort of sent my head into a little spin thinking about how different my life and community is now than it was just after college 8 or 10 years ago and we were into the jamband scene in SF.
on tuesday night i participated in a fashion show that was not my usual cup of tea, meaning it wasn’t artsy or underground or full of freaks and was not for a local designer. i was quite possibly the oldest female model there, and certainly not the best looking by any standard. this is a bit hard on the ego and self-esteem, but i just swallowed my pride and tried to make it fun, which was hard considering i spent 5 hours crowded into a small space with a lot of other people, waiting to be beautified in order to walk for 30 seconds on a runway. what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, though, i suppose.
also in recent personal news, after much soul-searching and agonizing about all manners of things, i decided not to take a new job i was offered (point of advice: before you apply for a job, perhaps be sure that you actually want it.), and had some regret about being too afraid to face the change. but then on wednesday it was determined that instead i am taking a more flexible, temporary position with the organization as an intern and will be doing some research analysis and writing projects. i’m happy about this turn of events – interns always have more fun than full time staff; i’ve learned this from having my own interns over the course of the years. this, however, means cutting back hours at my current company, which is a bit of a challenge in terms of coverage and scheduling, but in any case i’m excited to have something new and different on my plate for some of the hours 9-5 M-F. i will write more about it after it comes to total fruition (after i actually start; don’t want to jinx!), but a lot of the work-decision-related stress i’ve been experiencing has dissipated and i’m no longer freaking out most of the time. just some of the time. like usual.
other things that have somewhat changed so far in 2008 are that due to the incredible amount of anxiety and stress i was experiencing about both real and imagined life happenings, i had to make some diet and lifestyle changes in order to try to manage it. i have switched from coffee to tea (caffeinated tea, specifically Peet’s Ancient Trees Organic Pu-ehr), as the caffeine jitters from coffee were becoming a bit more than jitters and more like freak outs, have stopped ingesting certain other substances that tend to make me anxious, have gone back to a mostly-vegan, high fiber diet, have returned to my yoga practice, and have also returned to the gym. i had really slacked off in taking care of my health the last quarter of 2007, and there’s no doubt that laying around eating cookies and not exercising while mentally stewing over all the things i was not doing contributed to my mental and physical state at the end of last year. i don’t feel 100% off-edge, but i feel a lot better right now than i did 3 weeks ago.
all this is to say that the first 2 weeks of 2008 have been really good so far. things are happening, moods are changing, and optimism has returned.
pity this busy monster,manunkind,
not. Progress is a comfortable disease:
your victum(death and life safely beyond)
plays with the bigness of his littleness
-electrons deify one razorblade
into a mountainrange;lenses extend
unwish through curving wherewhen until unwish
returns on its unself.
A world of made
is not a world of born-pity poor flesh
and trees,poor stars and stones,but never this
fine specimen of hypermagical
ultraomnipotence. We doctors know
a hopeless case if-listen:there’s a hell
of a good universe next door;let’s go
~e.e.cummings
Filed in autobiographical, fashion | Tagged with e.e.cummings | Comments (2)quote of the day
To be nobody but yourself
in a world which is doing its best
night and day
to make you everybody else
means to fight the hardest
battle any human being can fight
and never stop fighting.
– e. e. cummings
