intellectual properties

optimism & resolutions

i am optimistic that there is an election next year, and that there is a turn of tide coming in politics, as was shown in november. i am optimistic that science is able to increasingly settle arguments about previously subjective experiences, like climate change, and therefore more things will be done to clean up our world and/or prevent further damage; for example, i am very optimistic about alternative energies. i am optimistic about the one good side effect of globalization, and that is that the average american is quite aware of what’s going on in other places in the world, at least moreso than 50 years ago, thanks to television, which does have its merits; i think people are starting to think much more in terms of global impact than they used to, which can only be a good thing. for myself, i am optimistic that i’ll finally be getting out of debt this year, which means that i will soon be able to travel like i’ve always dreamed of.

in general, i think he is quite right: i am a pessimist in words and say i have little faith in human nature, but in practice, i think most people try to do good things within their context, and as people are learning more and more about the world every day, that does make me optimistic.

of course i am also optimitic about my social life and my incredible friend network, and can only see the blooming relationships i have now becoming stronger and more valuable. because of this i am also optimistic that i’ll be accomplishing some things this year that i’ve been wanting to for quite some time – some of them yet undefined – but that overall my life is only going to get better; all signs point to good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am not officially declaring any resolutions this year, especially since they are pretty much exactly the same as last year, and the same as everyone else’s: eat better, exercise more, spend less. as these are ongoing, they’re not really resolutions. the only REAL resolution i have for this year, as referenced above, is to pay off the rest of my debt. i’m now below $10k…so OMG. by the end of 2007 i’ll be debt free!

mark morford also writes on optimism and resolutions:

Continue reading »

relaxation techniques

i’ve been really stressed / anxious lately. work suddenly got a lot more tedious i’m spending hours reviewing insurance forms and budgets. our social activities never seem to stop and jay and i are involved in planning/participating in lots of things. i have a fashion show type thing on saturday at the same time that jay is helping produce this big art/music/cultural event (synergenesis). we have meetings and dinners and showings and all kinds of commitments outside of the 40 hour work week, and that’s not including parties. i’ve been purposefully “partying light” and going home early lately, but it doesn’t seem to be making much of a difference. while this level of activity and participation is true to my resolution for 2006, it’s certainly exhausting.

my yoga instructor went home for a visit and got caught up with sort of visa problem in his home country (russia) and didn’t come back for like 2 months. even so, i don’t think i’ve been to a formal yoga since august or something. i either have to get up hella early in the morning to go or rush home from work. plus, i’m lazy. anyway, he’s back and i really need to start going to yoga again. my body is super soft and so not strong. i revow to go at least once a week. i was going to go tonight but i left work too late. tomorrow i have appointments. friday morning is the first chance i can go again, at 7:30 a.m. i volunteered to take orange to the airport early that day, so hopefully i can make it.

i also want to start reading books again. not having TV at home has resulted in both of us just sitting around staring at our laptops whenever we’re here and awake, which, due to all the commitments, isn’t often but a couple nights a week. i find that reading the internet makes me more stressed, as i usually just read the news or catch up on issues and then spent time blogging about it, which isn’t exactly relaxing. on the other hand, reading books is usually really relaxing, like meditation. something else to focus on for a while. so while i’m home, i want to spend time reading books instead of the web. in addition to Endgame, which is super heavy and i find msyelf stopping to think for a long time after every few sentences, last week i bought several used books of varying types that i want to read, including “the tipping point” by malcom gladwell, “the anxiety of everyday objects” by aurelie sheehan, and “in america” by susan sontag. that way, if i’m not in the mood for the depressing Engame, i can read something lighter, or at least different.

so yeah: hopefully yoga and reading will help me better relax in my “free” time and release some of this built up stress. like right now.

twisted pleasure

sometimes when i go to yoga i am the only one there, and i get a personal session with the teacher, which was the case last night. it’s one of the reasons i go on the day i go, because i know it’s usually either only me or one other person. the thing is, the teacher knows that i’m more flexible than your average student, and when i’m the only one there, he makes me go through poses that we never do if other people are in the room. the kinds of poses that when you see photos of people doing them you’re like how the HELL did they get into that position? like, for example, this one that i worked on last night (i think it’s called dragonfly pose?). while i can get into the poses, my muscle strength isn’t currently enough to let me hold them, and usually i fall out of them or collapse with in 2-3 seconds. but it’s fun working your body into them, and that feeling you get when you actually get the lift, even if just for a second, is very satisfying. i was really proud of myself when we did this one, because i totally relaxed into it and held it for at least 30 seconds, maybe more, and only came out of it when i wanted to, not because i fell. i want to work on my strength training so that i can really get into the poses and hold them all like that. about halfway through all these crazy pretzel things the teacher said “you’re going to have to crawl out of here” and i was like yeah, i KNOW, and before i was even home my body started to stiffen up, but it felt GREAT, and still does.

i don’t know why i have to force myself to go to class, because once i get there i’m always happy that i went. for some reason i try to talk myself out of it nearly every time with excuses about tiredness and hunger, and i don’t know why. i was talking to this other guy that i see there sometimes and he said he plans his whole day around it and looks forward to it all day long, and i was like wow – i’m totally the opposite. all day long i’m thinking “ugh, i have to go to yoga tonight”, and literally until i walk in the door of the studio i’m resisting. i seem to have this problem with other areas of my life too, and it’s a very strange feeling, talking yourself out of something that feels good. what’s up with that?

glacial progress

so, it’s now mid-march and the “resolutions” aren’t going so well i guess. i HAVE been going to yoga MORE – but not 2x a week (resolution #3), and i skipped 2 weeks b/c of the nasty cold i had that prevented me from inverting myself without drowning in snot, and also spent those 2 weeks not dancing or hooping or doing anything that could be qualified as active. as a result, i’ve gained at least 5 pounds in the last month…..those 5 pounds that aren’t really fat but are just enough to keep you feeling a little pudgier in your hot pants than you’d like to be, those 5 pounds that are the hardest to lose and keep off, but hell if they can’t be put back on in about 72 hours. i’m sure all the donuts we ate at 6:30 on sunday morning didn’t help (bad bad bad for resolution #2). it’s time now to make an effort to get my body back in motion and move around, although it’s hard when it’s FREEZING (by NoCal standards) outside, and if it’s not freezing it’s raining. it snowed here over the weekend – i think that sort of works as an excuse for hiberation and fat-storing, no? regardless – more movement/less laziness still needed. particularly since it’s now less than 6 months until burning man, and if there ever was a motivator to get in shape, it’s the idea of running around out there in the desert in platform boots and hot pants.

i HAVE been making a much more concerted effort to conserve funds and shop/spend less (resolution #1); however i must admit that right now that is driven not so much by ethical consumerism concerns but by the fact that we have to pay a bunch of taxes and might need to move in the next 3 months, so i’m not really SAVING any money in the long run, just hoarding it to send to the IRS on April 17th.

what were the other resolutions? oh yeah. shine! somehow, this one seems to be working out on it’s own, even with my lack of energy and effort. as previously noted, i was recently interviewed about my blog for a local paper (although i have no idea if/when that will be printed), and as well, the new magazine some of us hoopers were interviewed/photographed for last fall has finally published it’s inaugural issue: evolver – and it’s BEAUTIFUL. seriously – such a beautiful job done with the layout and art direction, and while i’m not mentioned by name, i appear in photos that run with the hooping piece and that’s pretty self-thrilling. it’s not published for newsstands yet, but when it does i’ll highly recommend picking up a copy, not just because i’m in it, but because i think it’s a very beautiful thing they’ve put together.

in other shine! news, i’ve met so many wonderful people in the past 6 months, it’s sort of staggering. if there’s one thing i love about the burning man community more than anything else, it is indeed the community. the event itself is of course the focal point, but now that we’re 2.5 years into this whole thing, the sheer number of creative and talented people we’ve come to know is amazing, and if there’s anything that makes us all glow, it’s being surrounded by all this positive reinforcement. people keep inviting us to do things, make things, celebrate things, & be things that i’d never come up with or be able to do on my own, and i’m really grateful for this outlet and community. i know that all sounds really weird to non-burners, but hey! this is my blog and i’ll spew burner love all i want. right now, it’s a driving force in my life that is allowing me to reach for and achieve other goals, and it’s priceless.

that said, some of us were discussing yesterday that we’re about ready for March to be over. this first quarter has been SLOGGING along, and we’re ready for spring.

one by one

i have decided, at the excellent advice of others, do to at least one good thing for myself every day. that is why i got up and went jogging on monday morning, why i went hottubbing last night, and why i’m going to yoga tonight. while hottubbing might not seem like doing something proactive, believe me, if your body is as tight from stress and working out and dancing and hooping and sitting in a chair all day like mine us, hottubbing is doing something good for yourself. other days it might be non-physical things like working on a project or accomplishing some other personal goals, but every day i need to feel good about something, because i’m sick – literally sick – of the days when i feel good about nothing.

sol therapy

you’re never going to believe this, but i got up a little bit early and went JOGGING this morning. only for 10 minutes/1 mile, but hey – you gotta start somewhere. considering my body is pretty sore again from hooping (in PLATFORMS, since we were filming for the Hoop the Movie) yesterday, it’s like a miracle or something.

i am so happy the darkest months of the year are over. the december/january months of darkness and rain make me both depressed and frustrated. now that the sun is out when i get UP and when i get HOME, i’ll get out more and be more active, and life is much better already.

filler

obviously i haven’t been blogging much lately; for some reason i’m just not in writing mode this week. politics are on my mind but i don’t feel like writing about them. i’m also really tired of defending myself whenever i write something even remotely controversial or debatable. thus! lame blog.

anywho, in a nutshell: of course i’m already blowing off most of my OHsix resolutions. i am not gonig to yoga 2x a week. i’m not even going 1x a week. i skipped yesterday to go drink beer and eat potato chips with Reagan. i am not doing so well with the shopping less. last weekend i bought two of the cutest new dresses you’ll never see, because they’ll probably just hang in my closet with all of the other cute dresses i HAVE TO HAVE but then never wear. i mean, they were only $10 or something, but still. i have a plethora of barely-worn little black dresses hiding in my closet. the MORE-vegan/less dairy diet is the only thing i’m doing better on, but not perfect. i had some eggs for lunch yesterday because i was feeling really protein starved, and people keep putting cheese in front of me. i’m eating lots more coconut vegetable curry and salad though and less indian food, but my digestive system is still trying to work out the huge amount of brie and cheese i ate on tuesday at Chez Panisse.

i know, my life’s rough.

this weekend looks like it will be fun, although part of the “spending less” program means going out less or going out and only doing things that are free. last weekend we barely did anything at all. i think we’ll go to Mighty tonight since friends are spinning and it’s only $5 for advance tix, and then tomorrow we have plans with friends, and then of course there’s hooping on sunday @ CELLspace.

forced frugality

due to some glitch in our payroll service, i haven’t been paid yet this month. this means i’m spending a three day weekend with $25 in my bank account. i’m so frustrated because i know now that i won’t get paid until at least tuesday because of the holiday monday, but on the other hand it’s forcing me to not spend any money, which is not a bad thing. thank goodness it’s finally sunny and i can go entertain myself outside (thank goodness for no snow!). i’m going to go hiking tomorrow for the first time in MONTHS, and even though i know it’ll be muddy on the trails i’m excited. right now we’re off to hooping practice.

resolved

over the holiday and after NYE i heard/read a lot of people say that NYE is a stupid thing to celebrate – a flip of the calendar, a revolution around the sun, who cares? i personally find it to be a great time to reflect on what’s happened over the past year (i intend to do a post about how great 2005 was for me and jay shortly), personally and globally, and use that reflection to refine and make changes for the better. i feel sorry for people who just grumble about NYE and how much pressure there is to “have fun” and get depressed because they’re just going to break their resolutions again. why not look on the bright side and use it as an impetus to celebrate the GOOD in your life on NYE and then try to change those things that aren’t good for the better?

i created a new category for “resolutions”, not just for things i told myself i would start doing on january 1st but for things that i have been resolving to take care of and do differently for a very long time, and i plan to continually remind myself of these things and evaluate how they are coming along.

in short, my new year’s revolutions (although not really “new”, as they are basically the same as the last few years) boil down to four:

1. do not buy anything i don’t need. why? my #1 goal for this year is to get out of debt. there are so many places to go and things to do, and it’s really keeping me (us) from doing them. plus, i’m sick of consumer culture and useless crap and want to support a sustainable world. like they say, your vote may not always be counted but your dollar always will.

2. do not eat anything that’s not good for me. why? it is apparent that my body is extremely sensitive to everything. foods, chemicals, metals, the weather. the less toxins i put in my body the better i feel – this i know. i also hope this will help clear up my skin (i’m almost 30; i thought my skin issues would be over by now!!) and help with some of my other body issues.

3. more yoga. why? because i’m really weak. i have fairly high endurance (as evidenced by my marathon dancing capabilities), but still have trouble doing pushups. i want to be strong.

4. shine! why? because i’m tired of feeling badly about myself, doubting myself, putting my feelings and desires second and hiding behind insecurities. i want to shine on the dancefloor, at the office, in the bedroom, at the supermarket, everywhere. i am lucky that i have people in my life who i think provide excellent examples of how not only really be yourself, but be your BEST self, and there are many pieces of me that i feel deserve better. i know this seems like it should be my #1 goal, but honestly the first three things here feed into this one, and without doing #1-3 i won’t be able to do #4, so it’s more a result than a goal, i think.

best of luck to any of you who take this opportunity to make some resolutions yourself. resolve to be your best. resolve to leave behind what’s past, and look forward. i know i am.

caffeine demons

i have a headache and all i really want is a cup of coffee but i keep telling myself NO. NO COFFEE but my body keeps saying PLEASE GO GET ME SOME COFFEE and then i ask myself why not? why not have some coffee? and the voice in my head says BECAUSE I TOLD YOU NOT TO.