intellectual properties

dreamstate

i feel really out of sorts. just so much is……what is going on? the familiar turned uninviting, shifting and without solid ground. unsettled. uncertain. i’m generally into marginal, liminal, elusive, slipstream consciousness, but lately i feel like my whole life has been taken over by someone else’s dream.

this is an edge.

.::.

i just had a 8:15 ecstatic-dancing-with-myself to Seahorse.

if you’ve never put this song on (loud) and listened to the whole progression, i highly recommend it, either dancing free or still with eyes closed.

rolling in the past (re:childish gambino)

re: my tweets about Childish Gambino last night: i want to clarify that i was not just being a hater. i went in with an open mind.  random experience! i was ready for something new.

the Fox was all lit up for a show, and watching the crowd walk by in the time we were having dinner outside @ Rudy’s, i was trying to guess what kind of music it was (since i had no idea from the name on the marquee) based on the superficial look of the crowd – age, gender, race, fashion = 20ish, 50/50, super mixed, hoodies and skirts . collegiate. i realize that this is a tricky game, stereotyping.

there were a lot of flannel shirts, which doesn’t really scream hip hop to me, but maybe that’s because i’m a generation too old, so i guessed something grunge/punk-ish. jay said, no, it’s hip hop. so then we googled it. and yes, it is hip hop. and then a staff guy came out of the Fox and asked if we wanted free tickets to the show, and we said YES! but when we got inside, they were singing a version of Rolling in the Deep. the whole crowd was singing a capella. it didn’t seem hardcore is what i’m saying. it felt a little…..awards show.

also, my observation about the punk/grunge element was not wrong – 3 out of 4 dudes in the live band (not pictured anywhere on the websites) looked like Dave Grohl and they were playing hard rock as the backing for the MC. one was a guy with a violin. as a plus, i did totally appreciate the live band element.

there was, also, as visual reference to the tour name/theme, Camp Gambino, stage decoration in the form of some tall but fake pine trees and a small tent staked at each edge of the stage, and some background visuals of the moon/sky now and then, so as to look as if the band were playing at a campsite.

i’m all for mashups, but at a certain point i feel like the patchwork of cultural references/sights/sounds is too much. too overtly mimetic. like one of those spoof movies where the visual and character references come at you in a heavy stream of hyperbolic pop nostalgia, but with strobe lights.

i think Donald Glover is maybe overacting the part. and that is sort of where i start to define the essence of hipster: unabashedly revisionist.

In fiction, revisionism is the retelling of a story or type of story with substantial alterations in character or environment, to “revise” the view shown in the original work. Unlike most usages of the term revisionism, this is not generally considered pejorative.

i would agree that this review seems hella jaded/youkidsgetoffmylawn, and maybe it is, but i am not the only one feeling it. see: the 40-year cycles of pop culture nostalgia (kottke):

If you combine this with Kurt Andersen’s recent piece about the slowing rate of change of pop culture, perhaps there’s another lesson here other than Gopnik’s assertion that we’ll be nostalgic for the Obama age 40 years from now. Maybe we’ve reached Peak Nostalgia and in an effort to find more and more nostalgia for an ever-increasing audience, culturemakers are mining more from those eras outside of the appointed 40-year era and as a result, pop culture is feeling more timeless, echoing all eras, until it becomes a culture that can’t draw upon anything but itself.

anyway, we left before the show ended.

this is what you get

last night we went to see Radiohead for the first time since 2001. i got the tix from a friend as a birthday gift for Jay. Radiohead has been a part of our relationship the whole time! we listened to it while staring out the windows of the train in the Andes on the way to Machu Picchu in 2010 and i don’t think i will ever forget that soundtrack+that place+that time.

i’m not too hot on the HP Pavilion in San Jose as a venue – it’s just never gonna sound good in a hockey arena – and our seats were pretty far away so Thom Yorke looked like this weird little dancing seahorse way down there on the stage, but i have no complaints about Radiohead. they are stellar. they don’t phone it in. they are not resting on their laurels. i think it’s hard for some people to interpret when you say that music like that – hard rock music – is beautiful. but i think it is so beautiful. the music pushes all the right buttons for me in terms of what’s in the soundscape and how it’s composed together, and the lyrics. oh, thom yorke. such unapologetically romantic levity and despair.

the visual set-up was also pretty amazing, with a waterfall of programmed LEDs and moving projection screens that made for intense but beautiful designs. so kudos to whoever the lighting/visuals team is.

i realized somewhere in the middle of it that it’s been a pretty long time since i went to a concert and actually didn’t care at all what they played. they could play any of it. they could play things i’ve never heard before. didn’t care. all of it good.

but i got pretty excited when they played There There (“just because you feel it doesn’t mean it’s there” – which i’ve quoted many times), and when they played The Amazing Sounds of Orgy (“i want to see you smile again the day the banks collapse“, which I still have on an old t-shirt from 2001).

i was looking back through my old blog posts about radiohead, and laughed when i saw the post from 2007 about In Rainbows, complaining that it was getting too electronic. i wasn’t sure about that move – it has failed for so many other bands. but oh, they made it beautiful and now some of my favorite tracks are the most electronic ones.  Idioteque was a the final encore and that was pretty intense.

in short: great show.  i love radiohead. 4evar.

(setlist) (photos+review from SFBG)

feeling the edges

i have been down lately.  and when i say down i mean like, feeling the bottom. do you know what the bottom feels like?  i thought everyone did, but recently a friend of mine told me he’d just experienced a “bad day” for the first time that he could remember – like, 15-20 years. and my mind was sort of blown. that’s possible for a sane person?

.::.

the other day as we drove  through west oakland i thought about this, about what he said, and i thought that it seemed impossible to me, to have that kind of mentality, when 1. all of the atrocities in the world are visible on every street corner and 2. to me it appears that all of us are always standing on the edge of a cliff. every day, living on the edge, the potential for falling into the abyss present with every breath taken, and that the spectrum of awareness goes from paralyzed with fear at one end to completely oblivious and doing cartwheels at the other.

i am not paralyzed but i am always aware of the edge.

later that night, my head buried in my pillow, i bemoaned my disposition and jay said “you just have to let go.”  and i said: “how can i let go when i feel like i’m balancing on the edge?” he agreed with me, which is why i love him, but i’m sure there is some platitude about “faith” or something.

to be clear i know that there is nothing either objectively or subjectively “wrong” with my life. in fact it is by most standards BLESSED and i am not ungrateful.   i am also aware of this idea of “creating your own reality” and choosing to ignore atrocities.  i can’t.  i can’t live in this world full of torture and persecution and injustice and just “focus on myself” and my beautiful friends and my beautiful life. yeah, if i blocked all that out – starting from my doorstep in west oakland to the regimes of oppression worldwide – life would be fucking grand!

and if you try to tell me you live the best, most non-consumer non-imperialistic socially-conscious life possible and that is all you can do so why not focus on your own happiness the rest is out of your hands/isn’t being a happy human a greater asset to the world than an angry one? i will 1. point out that your reading this on a computer/gadget made in China negates that defense about you not willingly having anything to do with atrocity and 2. respectfully and sort of jealously disagree while acknowledging that this is an ancient philosophical/POV debate.

the weird thing is, despite all this psychological torment i put myself through, and despite these occasions where i feel weighed down, overall i think i’m actually a happy person. just maybe not an optimist.

the point is that some days i don’t know how to take a step back from the edge, that edge where i can feel the present and future stew of everything and everyone, nothing and no one and feel like i am/we are falling forward.

.::.

anyway, stress work existential angst anxiety fear of the unknown self-doubt global unrest blah blah blah i did not have a good weekend and let’s not get any deeper into that other than to say that while yes, it is possible i might benefit from some therapy and/or medication, at the same time i am also always fighting my way back to the top so don’t worry too much (mom). i’m just emotional and dramatic.

as is often the case when i am down, my chronic shoulder/back pain flared up again yesterday to a more than just annoying degree. the fact that it’s been almost a year since i’ve written about it says a lot about how under control i have this still-undefined thing, but it has not been gone, oh no, and i have to be hypervigilant with my PT, and when i am down there, in the bottom my friend doesn’t feel?  i am not vigilant.  i am the opposite of vigilant. i am destructive. and if you are me and you live in San Francisco in the year 2012 you have access to a lot of tools for self-destruction.

so yesterday i was whiny and in pain and i didn’t sleep well last night and needed to not be typing and all that so today i only went to work for a couple of hours but that was OK because it was sunny and 72 degrees in february and so i left work and biked across town and went and hung out outside at cafe in downtown oakland until time for yoga.  I KNOW, RIGHT?  see why i’m depressed? #affluenza

.::.

this DJ person i live with is playing electronic music of whatever microgenre that is he plays (i’ll keep out of that debate) – i do not listen to electronic music unless said DJ is playing it at home or/ i am out dancing.  i was actually quite offended when an old phish friend said “oh right you only listen to electronic music now” when i didn’t know some new band.  on evenings when he is doing this, i am often in the bathroom listening the Velvet Underground or somesuch while i do one of any number of beauty treatments on myself (it’s only been 10 days since i last bleached my hair and i am already unhappy with the color gradient.  UGH.  maybe maryann is right; i should shave my head. ANYWAY.)

so just now i was there in the shower listening to Built to Spill Perfect From Now On (1997) which is still, now, 9 years after i first heard it on KALX, also while in the shower one morning sometime in 2003 when we lived in that brownshingle on Benvenue avenue in berkeley-  wow  that was a long time ago and wow it’s been since 2006 that we saw them live? holy crap. – it is still one of my favorite end-to-end albums to listen to from the first track to the last (my friend Allie talks about doing elliptical workout jams to rock music and i could def bust a long elliptical jam to Perfect From Now On.)

all that is to say that you should listen to it if you never have.

and also if any of you out there are going to good indie/psych/punk/emo rock shows in SF will you clue me in?  i’m looking at you 40goingon28.

.::.

my younger sister used to say i was mean. and i was always defensive – no i’m not!  i love people. LOVE. but the older i get,  i think she was/is right.  i can be CRUEL/i don’t know why.  i mean, a guy i know who has the word “evil” as part of his nickname told me at the club on friday night that he has always stayed away from me because i seemed like someone he didn’t want to fuck with.  am i really that unapproachable?  man.  but i am so soft on the inside.

.::.

and to cap off this completely boring old-skool whatididtoday/iamsoEmo blog post, here is what i ate today: Continue reading »

You know her life was saved by rock and roll

things have been….interesting.

here is my bitch list:

–rainy season has begun. as a bike commuter, this makes my days way less fun.

–it took 9 days to get my smartphone replaced after NYE (long boring customer service story) and the new one keeps doing all kinds of weird things that i hate

–my fitbit broke. again. there is a warranty but i might as well upgrade.  so far fitbit is costing me $99/a year in replacement costs, but i’m addicted to it so i still recommend it.

–work things i can’t talk about publicly are at maximum stress

–life thing with a deadline i haven’t finished is suffering major procrastination and mind-blankage and ∴ stress

–stress is causing unfavorable physical conditions

–blahblahblah whole foods parking lot

don’t get me wrong. my life is wonderful and full of wonderful things, like redwood hikes and purring cats and good wine and yoga and amazing love.  that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. but yeah, #1stworldproblems and i do try to keep perspective but i can’t even tell what news isn’t real any more so it’s pretty hard.

ANYWAY, i was driving to work this morning cuz it’s raining and it’s friday and at home i’d been listening to this great DJ The Count on KALX who reminds me a lot of my friend Finnius and plays David Bowie but whatever he was playing when i first got in the car  was a bit too something for the rainy I-80 east moment and so i switched it over to  107.7, as um….7 times out of 10? they are playing some some rock and roll i really like. (I HATE VAN HALEN, ALL FORMS.) i didn’t know the song playing but it jammed on for 2 or 3 minutes (of my 7 minute drive) and i got really into it, and started thinking about how much better i suddenly felt.  like, rock and roll in the morning really does make me feel so much better. A LOT. AURAL MEDICINE.  and then i was like this is GOOD and seems like something i should know.  what song is this? and then the vocals kicked in and i realized it was Working Man (Rush, 1974, definitive). (i used to hate Rush almost as much as Van Halen but i’ve come around.) do they play that every Friday morning? because they should.

music rec: superhuman happiness

as seen in NYC: this may or may not be your thing:

Superhuman Happiness

Superhuman Happiness was founded in 2008 to seek joy and love through shared rhythm and melody, composed and improvised. To pursue a happiness greater than that of an individual. They have one CD, Stuart Bogie’s Superhuman Happiness – Fall Down Seven Time Stand Up Eight, and two 45 records entitled GMYL/Hounds and Human Happiness (Electric Cowbell). Members are known for their work with Antibalas…, the Sway Machinery, TV on the Radio, Battle Apples, The Phenomonal Handclap Band, Caural, The Roots, Nicole Atkins, King Expressors, Minerva Lions, Passion Pit, Celebration, Holly Miranda, Iron and Wine, Foals and the inimitable MC Chris. The band regularly rehearses, composes, and records together, engaging in various improvisatory musical games currently being compiled for implementation in widespread applications.

BQN-JFK (december vacation part 2)/end of 2011

(…cont.)

Wednesday, my last full day in PR, in the morning Reagan and i went horseback riding on the beach, where i learned i’m not as scared of horses as i thought it was. in fact, i’d maybe like to learn to ride one FAST.

after lunch, we went back down to the beach and went surfing. i was not nearly as successful as the first time (trying too hard then, i suppose) and tired myself out quite a bit paddling, falling, paddling, falling. the waves started to get bigger and one came up and reagan said watch out this one’s breaking! but it turned out that i was at just the right spot and it just lifted me up and off i went. as soon as i realized i’d caught it/it caught me, i stood up. woo! after that, my shoulder was really starting to hurt from all the paddling and so i called it a day. later we went back to the beach again and watched the sunset and had some last evening cocktails.

Thursday morning we got up early and went to have 8am breakfast at this charming english B&B on top of a hill overlooking the ocean before i had to go to the airport. it was really gorgeous, but i was *so exhausted* i could barely think. this doesn’t happen to me much – usually once i’m up i’m up, even if i haven’t slept, but i just couldn’t wake up for a couple of hours. so tired from all the frolicking in the sun the day before.

then off to the airport, but by then i was awake and no sleep on the plane. jay, who had been in NY since Tuesday, was so sweet and came to meet me at JFK. we got back to brooklyn late afternoon, settled ourselves, and then met up with peoples for dinner at a delicious veg restaurant Angelica Kitchen (where the waiter recognized me as he also works at another vegan restaurant i’d been to last week. tour de vegan restaurants NYC!) and then drinks and then late night endless bantering until 3am and finally crashed.

i tried to sleep in Friday but it didn’t work and i was up first at 8 and then at 10. Jay, Chris and I got up, had breakfast, and headed to the New Museum, which was underwhelming. i love participatory art, but the place was jammed, being a Friday and a holiday weekend, and so we weren’t able to really do all the things in the time we had. but even if we could….some of the things were broken/not available, and some were just…..? i don’t find tunnels made out of blank white styrofoam very impressive conceptually or aesthetically. i think Burning Man has ruined me ever enjoying that kind of art in such a sterile environment ever again.  don’t touch! stand in line! sign this waiver! oh and it doesn’t *really* work! anyway, there was also an exhibit about conflicts surrounding censorship of Lebanese art that was much more interesting.

after the museum, Chris took off and Wiley joined us for happy hour, and then we headed up to Central Park to go ice skating. upon arrival, however, it was obvious that ice skating among the crowds would not be pleasurable. so we wandered through the park in the dark instead, came out on the other side and found ourselves some cappuccino.

at this point in the evening, it would have been smart to go back to bklyn and take a nap, as we had 2 events to attend Friday night. however, the travel and logistics were such that it would be much easier if we just went to the first one directly, and so we opted to have dinner out instead at superfine and then head to the party. but at some point during dinner i started to crash in an irritable way. i drank a 5-hour energy but basically once we got to the first party i went directly to the couch and stayed there, eyes closed (but enjoying the eclectic live music) until we left at midnight.

at midnight we went back over to the Lower East Side to see friends Stuart Bogie and Colin Stetson (of Transmission fame – you know, that band from ann arbor ->SF that we saw triple-digit times in 2000-2003?) play in a newer band formation, Superhuman Happiness at the Cake Shop on Ludlow. now, when Stuart told me about it, he said it was a Phish afterparty. generally, despite the fact that we were avid fans/phans of both during the exact same years (early 2000s), the worlds of Transmission jazz and Phish have i think never really intersected for us and so i wondered how this mashup of scenes was going to be. but i trust their musical judgement completely, and so we went. through the pre-NYE wasted crowds into a hot crowded basement we went, just as they were about to go on.

(historical aside:  in May 2001, we came to NYC and a phishhead friend told us to go see Antibalas, which was playing in a basement of a jewish cultural center somewhere.  we arrived, and just after the band started playing, Stuart Bogie walked out and joined them. it was very……serendipitous.  so going to see him play again, in some dark basement somewhere in NYC, 10+ years later, was just kind of awesome.)

and when it started….it became very obvious that this was indeed a Phish afterparty. lots of phisheads, still with their glow bracelets and rolling eyes were packed inside. the music was definitely more indie-jam than jazz, with lots of melodic singing mixed with funked beats, which i can totally appreciate, especially watching them play so physically, so ecstatically, but i was so exhausted i just found myself a spot standing on a bench up against the wall, my head almost hitting the ceiling, observant. i wanted to make it to the end of the set to get to hang out, but just couldn’t. it was a sauna in there, i was wearing 2 layers of clothes, and the energy was so the opposite of where i needed to be. so in the middle of a cover of Sledgehammer (covers? did not expect that), we exited into the cold night and finally headed to bed at 3am, totally exhausted.

i was also not successful sleeping in more today, and right now as i’m typing this i should be trying to take a nap before heading out for NYE, but NYC makes me manic.  and plus, it’s the LAST DAY OF 2011 and i get to see many of our beautiful friends tonight!  how could i not be excited? we have 2+ parties on the list and we’ll see how far we get.

.::.

i’m looking forward to seeing the sun come up on 2012, as 2011 – full of personal and global/internal and external revolutions, experiments and changes – has been a one hell of a good year.  keep up the good, everyone. we’re moving forward.

Filed in autobiographical, music, travel | Tagged with igottawearshades, jazz, NYC, puerto rico, reagan, surfing | Comment (0)

smashing pumpkins

last night we went to see the smashing pumpkins.  or, the smashing pumpkin, if you’re one who doesn’t consider billy corgan +  musicians who were not in the original band The Smashing Pumpkins, proper.  it’s difficult to tell with some bands how much everyone has a part, and how much the sound and message of the band is the result of the collective (The Beatles) or the result of a leader backed by other talented musicians (Nine Inch Nails).  this is the bane of many a band’s existence, has caused the breakup of thousands of music groups and the stresses of which have been fodder for rock movies like Almost Famous.

anyway, i digress, but because of this fact that it was Billy+ (no amazing James Iha on guitar), rumors that billy had  found religion, having listened to some of the new tracks off the forthcoming album which do not, shall we say, have the same gestalt as the anti-punk of the early years, and this band having such a formative place in my head and heart (i was 15 in 1991 when Gish came out and between then and 1998 i spent many many nights intoxicatedly and intensely listening to SP and they are like soul food for me), i was apprehensive that it might not be awesome/live up to expectations.

but it was.

.::.setlist.::.

the crowd at the Fox was pretty great – everyone seemed really into it and paying attention (no asshats talking all the way through it etc.). i sort of regret not getting closer but it was a sold out show and PACKED and i do not like to be wedged into crowds and plus i need room to thrash. it took a while to warm up, but when it did, and when they played my faaaaaavorite song Silverfuck, i went kind of crazy and felt like i was definitely winning.

the final encore of Bullet with Butterfly Wings seemed not only, well, obvious for a final song but with the #occupywallstreet / #occupyeverywhere / protests around the world going on, i did consider whether there was any irony to a mostly white, mostly 30something, mostly affluent crowd screaming “DESPITE ALL MY RAGE I AM STILL JUST A RAT IN A CAGE”.  after some thought i determined that i think the thing is that even white affluent 1st world citizens who should have everything, every freedom, every thing,  feel trapped. this feeling is that pervasive. there is no escape.

the world is a vampire, sent to drain.

i would’ve liked to have heard Ava Adore, but other than that i was totally happy with the show. the band was not as intense and virtuoso as the originals, but definitely good enough to rock the fuck out of those songs. you know it’s a good show when you hear songs you don’t remember or don’t know and realize to figure out what they are you’ll have to listen to the whole catalog again but that’s ok because you want to start as soon as you get home.

In you I see dirty
In you I count stars
In you I feel so pretty
In you I taste god
In you I feel so hungry
In you I crash cars
We must never be apart

<3

wake me on the softer side of heaven….

i really love this song:
Marina by SLEEPY SUN
Sleepy Sun: Marina

it starts out heavy, but weaves in and out. i highly recommend a listen all the way through.

Continue reading »

enter the hot dream

last night jayober & i went through the music files to make a rockNroll mix for burning man (so much electronica on the playa; i can’t take it for 7 days. we decided we need at least one rockNroll + whiskey afternoon). “just 1 or 2 songs from fav bands”.  after we finish, even without all our favs added, it’s 13 hours long.  i <3 rock and roll.

.::.

AWAKE (listen)
Shake dreams from your hair
My pretty child, my sweet one.
Choose the day and choose the sign of your day
The day’s divinity
First thing you see.
A vast radiant beach in a cool jeweled moon
Couples naked race down by its quiet side
And we laugh like soft, mad children
Smug in the wooly cotton brains of infancy
The music and voices are all around us.

Choose they croon the Ancient Ones
The time has come again
Choose now, they croon
Beneath the moon
Beside an ancient lake
Enter again the sweet forest
Enter the hot dream
Come with us
Everything is broken up and dances.

.::.