patience
September 18th, 2012
i just forgave myself for something, and that felt really good.
or maybe i rationalized something, but in either case, i feel better.
i freak out. people who only know me as an acquaintance often think i’m really laid back. i don’t usually freak out in public. but i’m not cool-headed. i freak out all the time. i do usually get over things pretty fast, but the impact on me is stress, and i don’t know qualitatively or quantitatively what the impact is on my relationships with other people who are closer to me. it must be negative.
i hope that one of the things this whole moving to NYC–grad school thing can teach me is how to stop freaking out.
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lol nyc is one long freakout, bursting out from behind blank affect dressed up in sweaters and sunglasses.
welcome home.
i am well aware that i may be entirely self-deceiving and insane in thinking that i can actively work to take this societal condition and turn it on its head as a form of personal anarchy, when all history would indicate an inevitable opposite effect.
sometimes the only thing we have is hope, even if irrational.
Oh man, this is a timely post as I spent almost exactly 24 hours freaking out over something that ultimately just didn’t really need freaking out about. I mean, I learned some stuff… but perhaps the biggest thing I learned was, “Ariel, fuck: stop freaking out so much.”