constructive dialogue
obviously, this blog is public, and comments are allowed. anyone who can spell my name correctly can find this blog and read all about my life. i also have a pretty open policy about who i “friend” on facebook. i know a lot of people who don’t friend their old high school classmates, or their cousins, or their in-laws, or their coworkers/bosses/professional contacts. totally understandable. but i have been staunch in my philosophy of totally open communication with this. i am not sure why.
there have been a few unfortunate incidences where people were offended or hurt, and i learned the hard way not to write about other people very much. especially people in your family. but not write about politics or social issues? i am not going to avoid that. in fact, i encourage dissent/disagreement/discussion. how else do we learn about or from each other or the world?
so this post on online disagreement by helen jane really hit me:
Back a few years ago, before we had access to everyone we ever knew and all of their ideas, disagreement had a different place. Yes, there were still the same people who thrived on debate. Those people who relished sparring and matching wits. But for the most part, we kept our opinions private. Especially opinions concerning religion, politics, child-rearing and lifestyle.
Disagreements with these big topics were handled privately, rarely.
But now, in this digital age, we share our thrill about an election on Facebook and people come out of every nook and corner of your past to tell you how wrong you are and make you defend it.
Sure, there’s something to be said about the broadening of ideas and input being a good thing, but emotionally? I’m not prepared for this. We haven’t been properly trained in critical thinking in a way that allows us to separate disagreement with an idea from rejection of us.
When people we like or respect disagree with us, it still feels crappy.
i had to stop for a minute and think about how i struggle with this. i do. and i find that for myself, doing one of the tactics she goes on to talk about, “agree a little”, for me often becomes acquiescence. i end up saying “oh, ok. you’re probably more right than i am”, because 1. by this point i am usually tired of the argument and 2. i don’t want the person to be angry with me/ruin the relationship. so i “let them be right”.
overall, that’s not the worst thing to do sometimes. but if it leaves you feeling like you didn’t stand up for yourself, over and over again, it is.
h.t. ariel
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I don’t have a formula, it is probably just a matter of having been in a lot of arguments on the internet. I now have the sense that the world will not come to an end if I don’t participate in an online discussion. The nice thing about the internet is that you can simply choose not to respond and walk away.
As far as social media like Facebook goes I think it is foolish for people to get into pissing contests where they are using their real name, their picture and they have very little control over who sees their content.
Using Facebook was about getting in touch with friends for me. If I feel the urge to verbally mix it up I will go to a web board and post under an anonymous alias.