on fashion and style
since i got nominated for best fashion blogger but am now LOSING IN THE POLL (please vote if you have not yet!), i figure i should write something current on the subject before i take off for the holiday weekend, and i do have a lot of things to say on this. oh yes, i do. for those of you who care not about such topics, maybe skip this post. you are allowed to not care about fashion, about having a personal style, or maybe you like to unabashedly follow trends (in fact, this seems to be a distinct choice on the part of some people) and/or wear the exact same hoodie and jeans for 5 years. i don’t actually care what other people wear. i really only care what i’m wearing. so please don’t take my own fashion values as judgmental. it’s really not.
i also acknowledge that i am only a fashion WEARER, not a fashion professional, i never went to fashion school, and perhaps people who are in the ‘industry’ might disagree with some of the things i say here. this is all my personal POV as a fashion consumer, so take it from that perspective.
a couple of days ago m/o and i were discussing the details and motivations in developing, maintaining and then changing a “personal style”, and the philosophies and difficulties of doing so. these are some items related to that topic, some specific, some not.
first, the hard question: who cares? or, why is this important?
part of the conversation that m/o and i had was around what are most easily-defined as cliques in our sub-subculture(s), and how fashion (not style) plays such a HUGE role in those definitions, but this can be expanded to larger groups, from high-school cliques to gangs to religious sects and in some cases tribes or nationalities. what you wear says a lot about you, whether you like it or not, and in many cultures and subcultures what you wear becomes a huge signal to those around you about your value systems. humans are an extremely visual species, and whether it’s a Jewish Yalmukah or a pair of Chucks, what you cover your body in every day says things about you. some of it is not by choice, and some of it is.
our discussion in particular regarded an opinion that a lot of the fashions in our sub-subculture have melded, and therefore, people seemed less cliquey because there were fewer divisive visual cues. i call this a trend toward conformity, which is not positive in my view. i believe personal style is important, especially in a culture where conformity is being sold to us every day. i may not aesthetically like some of the more extreme choices, but i would rather see a lot of little pods of extremists than everyone wearing a uniform. it’s a dual-edged sword, for sure. sometimes, yes, the extremists start judging one another’s extremes, and what you end up with are groups of people who won’t talk to each other based on sight. but instead of having everyone blend together to solve that problem, what i would like to see are the groups of people maintaining their own fashions, but not judging the others. is that really impossible?
this belief that i have, that what you wear says a lot about you, is why i am so interested in fashion (socio-anthropologically, as an art form, and otherwise) and why my own personal style is important to me and something i have invested in. i often despise popular fashion, but i can appreciate someone with a great sense of style, even if i’d never wear what they are wearing. it’s a form of personal expression, a rebellion against conformity, and for someone like me it’s one of the only creative outlets i’m interested in. maybe you’re an artist who creates amazing art in other forms and only wears white t-shirts and jeans. fine. you have a form of expression – and i think everyone needs *something*, whether it’s needlepoint or punk rock – and i have mine. my point is that not all people who care about fashion are superficial, and i wish that fashion as a creative form of personal expression could be more often appreciated and understood, and less judged as simply a consumer hobby or done for superficial reasons.
it has only been the past couple of years that i even realized i HAD a personal style, and then started to actively and consciously work to build it. i’ve always been into fashion, but fashion and STYLE are two different things. that is the first thing. fashion = trends. fashion=what’s in this season, out the next. fashion = items easily identifiable as something many people are wearing during the same time period. fashion = short lived. fashion, unfortunately, often = wearing things that are not flattering to your body type because they are trendy. most importantly, maybe, fashion = an art, literally, as a verb, to make something. people go to fashion school, they don’t go to style school. have you watched Project Runway? some of those designers have atrocious personal style, no matter how beautiful the clothes they make might be.
style, on the other hand, is somewhat more nuanced, and difficult to pin down. sometimes these words are used interchangeably, as in “that was the style at the time”, but i’m talking about the difference between wearing what all of your friends are wearing, what people think is cool, and having a cohesive wardrobe that is flattering to you so that you always look good, and knowing which trends to pick up on and which to pass so that your wardrobe never looks dated, aka timeless. THAT is style. it might be high-style, it might be urban-style, it might be country-style, it might be frickin’ WALMART style, but it’s style.
having a personal style means at least two things:
1. you have to be very aware of your body type, and take the time to learn which cuts of clothing look best on you, and that you don’t succumb to being a fashion victim by wearing something trendy that doesn’t flatter your body type. to me, this is the most important part of having a personal style. if all your clothes are flattering, you always look stylish.
2. you have to have some sort of ‘direction’, and this is where it can get tricky. if you pick too narrow a direction – say, Rockabilly – you might end up looking like a fashion victim who is just following a trend or a pre-established ‘look’, even though you might have a good sense of style. if you pick too wide a direction, you don’t stand out. personal style happens somewhere between easily categorized look (“goth”) and totally unaware that your socks don’t match. myself, i tend to think of it more in terms of things i will NOT wear, as opposed to things i will. deciding i will NOT wear something, whether it’s a vintage piece or a hip new item, is generally based on one of two reasons: A. unflattering B. too trendy, even if flattering. if you’re out with a bunch of your friends, and you’re VISIBLY all dressed relatively the same, maybe it’s time to think about finding your own personal style (if you care). be individual. go unique. this applies to everyone from the jeans and t-shirts crowd to hipsters to hippies to yuppies to the feathered hat mafia. B. is also where “age appropriate” comes in. if you’re over 30, many fashions simply make you look ridiculous. if you’re under 30, you just look like a fashion victim.
these are the two key parts to having a personal style in my recently formed opinion. you don’t have to know a lot about fashion. you just have to learn what looks best on you, and when you buy things, think about creating a cohesive wardrobe. maintaining this can require as little or as much work as you feel like putting into it, but it does require some work. i happen to enjoy spending a fair amount of time poking around vintage stores, consulting with my fashion-making friends, and even taking a trip to the mall now and then. i know for some people, shopping is their least favorite activity. if that’s the case for you, then it’s gonna be hard to have a personal style, unless you’re rich enough to hire a stylist. what makes it personal is that YOU put time and thought into it, that it’s different than what other people are doing, and that it reflects who you are.
sometimes, if you really like a trend, it takes a few extra steps to fit it into your personal style. for example, the current “skinny jeans” fashion is not one i was willing to embrace because of the cut. not flattering for a girl like me, in my opinion and besides: i could never find any that fit my ass AND my calves. but then a couple of months ago i entered an online raffle at SFindiefashion.com and won a free pair of custom made jeans by local Emeryville company, indiDenim. if you’re able to go to their studio (online orders are less extensive) they scan your body with this crazy machine, measure you, ask your fit preferences, and then you get to pick from a pretty exhaustive set of cuts, fabrics, pocket-styles, washes, and finishing touches. i was tempted to order the same cut of jeans i usually buy: boot cut. but then i thought: if i’m having some CUSTOM FIT, why not try a skinny jean? i chickened out on getting the SKINNY skinny jeans, but what i got are a lot more tapered than anything i would have ever bought at a store, and they fit like a dream. they are the most comfortable and most flattering pair of jeans i’ve ever owned. people keep commenting on them. and considering that if you go into a store like Anthropologie and buy a pair of fashionable jeans off the rack they cost $150, i’d say $150 for a pair cut to fit your body, from the knee taper to the butt rise, in the color and style you want it ain’t bad.
is it worth it, then, to pay more to have something custom made so that it fits you? damn straight it is, and this is true not only for things like jeans, but also almost everything else. in most places, you can get almost anything made instead of buying an ill-fitting version off the rack for not too much more. you might not have indiDenim next door or a bunch of amazing fashion designer friends like i do, but poke around – i bet there are tailors and seamstresses in your city/town, and hey! then not only will you have custom clothing, you’re supporting a local business. i HIGHLY support and recommend adventuring out into the world of custom clothing if you’re working on finding your personal style.
there is also learning to sew your own clothes, but as someone who has not (yet?) learned to do that herself, i can’t say it’s integral. most of the real fashionistas i know do know how to make their own clothes, which contributes greatly to their personal styles being so personal, and i have been known to pull together some pieces with safety pins and/or reconstruct existing items, and i cheat and have my mom make me things. knowing how to use a needle and thread is important. but full on sewing? yes, it is extremely helpful and way money saving. but essential to personal style? no.
now the really hard question: given all this, how would i define my personal style?
like i said, style is much more nuanced and hard to label than fashions, and so i’m reluctant to use too many words to describe my style here. i would like to think it’s trendy but elegant, urban but romantic, feminine but edgy. a little vintage, a little hipster, a little glam, a little rock and roll. i like black dresses with details, crazy but flattering vintage pieces with a lot of flair, pants that make me look tall, full-volume floor length skirts with fitted blouses, and always, most importantly, a good silhouette. i shop for clothes everywhere. vintage stores. Goodwill. the mall. boutiques. trunk sales. garage sales. online. EVERYWHERE. i pick and choose from the old and new. i rotate my clothes often. everyone thinks i have this huge wardrobe, but really, i don’t. i go through a lot of clothes (buying a lot of recycled/used clothes makes this possible), but i don’t keep them all. i get rid of things that i know don’t go with my style, or that i realize don’t fit well after i buy them. i wear a lot of black, white and red, and having most (not all, but most) of your wardrobe in matching colors one also helps maintain a style. if your pieces are all similarly toned and cut, everything goes together. this makes dressing well a LOT easier.
and then there are things like hair. if you have great hair naturally and maintain it well, i think natural hair is awesome, but having natural hair does leave a whole huge part of style options out. right now, my hair is a huge part of my personal style (obvi). even if i’m wearing jeans and a t-shirt (which isn’t often, but it happens), at least i have my bright red hair making a statement. this is important to me, i have decided, and why i am happy to spend so much time on it. i have a semi-permanent fashion statement on my head. finding a hair style that is expressive, looks good on you, and you can maintain can take a while, i understand.
in the end i think it just takes a bit more attention to detail, and conscious purchasing. don’t buy crazy things that you have nothing else to wear with, but at the same time don’t buy all the same kinds of things over and over again. mentally picture how something will work with the rest of your wardrobe, and try to create a cohesive “look”. it might be really simple. it might be sort of complex. it might take you years to really get it. but if you’re like me and find the act of dressing yourself to be fun, expressive, and an art form, finding a personal style shouldn’t be too hard. i know that this is all probably WAY more thought and effort than most people are willing to put into developing a style, but hey, that’s why i’m a fashion blogger. 
Deep down, I’m pretty superficial.
–Ava Gardner
2 Responses to “on fashion and style”
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Excellent post, Amy. I feel a bit schooled now–I had never really considered the difference between fashion and style. I have a question. A couple of years ago, I moved back to my super small hometown. This past month I turned 30. Now I feel like I’m in the middle of a style-crisis. I want to continue to dress fun and explore different fashions but I tend to get a lot of pressure from the folks around here for not dressing my age. I guess since I’m 30 now, they expect me to sport my elasticized waistband, pleated pants and a nice button down shirt with an angel pin. UGH! After living back here a while I’ve begun to question myself. Is this outfit geared too young for me?! Do I look like a silly teenager wannabe?! I attended a local bluegrass show recently and I wore my favorite hemp apron top. It has a lovely gold Om symbol on the front of it. An acquaintance remarked that I “Sure didn’t dress like I was 30.” WTF?! Anyway, I’m hoping for tips on how to gauge whether an outfit is appropriate for my age? What styles should I avoid? How has your personal style evolved since you transitioned into your thirties? I also wanted to point out that although I think you dress phenomenally, it is your freedom of style that I envy most. Cookie cutter fashion seems more prevalent here on the East coast.
here in SF, you can wear almost anything and no one blinks an eye. it is wonderful to have that freedom. unfortunately living in a small town and/or conservative community means you have to be a lot braver to be fashion-forward. i know – i grew up in a small conservative town and i was wearing leopard print in the 4th grade, and was chided by people in my church for wearing “inappropriate” sundresses. i was ok with being the weird girl, so i do realize that if you live in a place where ‘what people think’ is a huge pressure combined with more limited shopping choices means that it’s a lot harder to be as fabulous as you might want to be.
as for how to transition into dressing for your 30s…….well, i think that depends on a lot of things. first, i think the comment about the hemp-apron top is different and stemmed from 2 things: 1, you were dressed in hippie garb, which no matter how old you are, gets attention, even at something like a bluegrass festival. i learned that quick going on phish tour to all kinds of places where hippies don’t live, and even when we go to burning man, in the small towns along the way, people in grocery stores STARE at you. 2, most women in their 30s are too self-conscious to wear an open-back top like an apron top, so KUDOS to you for being happy with your body, and that comment was either made out of jealousy or, from a conservative point of view, was implying that you were “unladylike” for showing too much skin.
that’s something i know a lot about – being called or viewed as a “slut” for dressing sexy. in a lot of small towns, “sexy” and “slutty” are inseparable, so you either have to not care, or accept the fact that where you live, showing skin isn’t accepted and adjust your wardrobe accordingly. i would love to just say “screw them”, but i know for sure when i go to Michigan, i NEVER dress the same going out to bars there as i do in SF. no. way. so sometimes, yes, what’s ok to wear depends on where you live.
other than that, defining “age-appropriate style” is a little trickier, and i think that has a lot to do with where you live, for sure. most people in urban places consider “age-appropriate” style/activities to be an outdated notion. in places like SF or NYC, that idea isn’t as dramatic as it is in more conservative places. as long as you look good, no one cares if you’re 55 and dressed like Cyndi Lauper.
i think it’s OK to wear the same thing that younger women do, as long as it fits well and is, again, flattering. a lot of women don’t reach their full womanly-figuredness until their 30s (i sure didn’t), and then suddenly maybe the baby-tee with the tight low-rise jeans isn’t a good idea. also, things that are overtly juvenile – tshirts with cartoons on them – are also probably not age-appropriate anymore. basically, if you have to buy the XXL in the junior’s section to fit into something, it’s probably not age-appropriate. that’s more about size than style. there has been some recent press about “mother – daughter” fashion lines blurring, which you should check out: ezinearticles.com/?Have-You-Heard-the-Hottest-New-Fashion-Trend?-Mother-Daughter-Matching-Clothes!
so you kind of have to draw your own lines about what your comfortable in, not just based on what you LIKE, but how people treat you when you’re wearing certain things. in any case, just because you get older doesn’t mean you have to give up your fun clothes and start wearing Mom Jeans or dress like some kind of Gap commercial. be funky, be cool, be sexy – but just be aware of how comfortable or uncomfortable you both look and FEEL, and adjust accordingly.