there’s probably an age factor at work here too. i’m old enough to recall the first organized Earth Day, and my youthful group of unripe hippies embraced the concept fully certain that a huge corner had been turned, and soon all the wrongs that people had previously inflicted on the planet would be forgotten. i mean, we were CONVINCED that everyone would see the light, and we weren’t the least bit pessimistic or jaded that things wouldn’t improve, much less get much worse. now, i see promotions for Earth Day and it just seems naive and/or quaint.

i think i’d better refrain from comment on the interpersonal relationship issues you touched upon. not only have i proven to be something of a bull in a china shop in that area, but i’m increasingly skeptical about relationships lasting more than 10 years or so: after that, i fear one or both partners are keeping their mouth shut and building up resentment. “relationship tectonics” if you will!

my attitude for 2009 is “less whining, more doing.” since it’s only January 5, the jury is still out. i think you’re likely the person i know who does the most “do-ing”. everybody talks a good game, but when i turn around you’re the one who always has some sort of large, ambitious gathering to participate in. said a different way, i doubt people are constantly advising you to “get out more”. yet in your post you spoke about being at home when you could be out doing something more to your liking. do you ever feel that the constant social interactions you participate in are as much a problem as they are a solution? just a way to drown out the Suck Voice in your head for a while? i was very much that way during my alcohol & drug days: a few days off with some alcohol and some drugs and my sexy girlfriend? hallelujah, a “vacation” from the worries of the world.

“travel” has become my favorite pastime these days, but i don’t make a lot of money and word is that the economy isn’t likely to improve during the next year or two at least. there was a fleeting period of my life when i DID have access to money and i burned through it like there was no tomorrow, largely on travel. and before that there was a time when travel seemed like my occupation, although technically it was playing music that i was being paid for. need to get to London in a hurry? call BA and get on the Concorde. it’s only money. well, yeah, money you wish you had NOW!

i wish all this was leading up to some dramatic insight to all this rambling that i could share with you, but it isn’t. i DO comprehend exactly what your saying, Amy. (it sounds like we have similar brain chemistry, that’s for sure! i’m certain there’s a depression component in here somewhere.) i fear that this dissatisfaction just may be our cross to bear, our lot in life. then again, i’ve been wrong so many times in life that there’s absolutely NO chance i’m gonna be right with this conclusion either. if you find any answers, please pass them along.

that’s the best thing i’ve heard in a long time.

you are where you are, and that might not be where you want to be, but you’re also going where you’re going (and you might not know where that is, but i feel its a good place).

i think your head’s screwed on backwards. your moving with the flow of things, meandering at a nice and steady pace. looks like it’s taking some work for you to turn around and see that you’re doing it great already and you’re already on the right path.

where you’re at right now is the perfect opportunity for you to seize the changes you’d like to make. however, beware of being reactionary, it can get you in trouble on the flipside with just the same struggles and agony.

overall, it sounds like you’re in your 30’s.
kinda related: http://www.jedimindtrix.net/?p=155