the campaign for “real” beauty
some of you may recall that a while ago there was a comment troll here who constantly attacked my looks. he pointed out all of my “flaws”, one by one, called me playground-bully names, and repeatedly stated that i was far too ugly to be a “real model” after i started posting pics of the alt model gigs i’ve been doing this year. i can’t say that it didn’t hurt. there are certain things about my appearance that are far from hollywood perfect. my teeth are crooked. my pores are big. i have cellulite on my thighs. i have super muscular (NOT long and lean) legs. i have bags under my eyes. some of these things i have attempted to correct with off-the-shelf remedies and diet/exercise, but i’ve never gone so far as to consider surgery, even when my dermatologist recommended it for one of my “problems”. i just don’t think i could live with myself. i *finally* got my acne under control a while ago by seeing a esthetician every. single. 3 to 4 weeks. not cheap, not easy, painful, but necessary for me to feel good about myself.
i know myself what a difference good make-up and lighting can do, and how horrible bad make-up and lighting can make you look, which is why i only post the good photos of myself here. trust me – there are lots of bad ones, and to be quite honest i have no idea how “pretty” i am on a scale of me v. the rest of the women in the world. it’s all way too distorted. some days i feel gorgeous. other days i feel like an ugly bumpkin. i never know when waking up which it will be.
the media and beauty industry does such a wonderful job of convincing us that there are people out there who are perfect, and that if we all just tried a little harder and spent a little more money, we could be one of them. it’s such bullshit, and thankfully the older i’ve gotten the more i’ve come to accept my flaws, and the more i have come to realize that what they’re selling us is nothing but a sick cycle of envy and self-hatred. i admit fully to being more concerned about my looks than is probably healthy, but i’m slowing growing out of it. i think.
here’s a recent you.tube video from Dove for their Campaign for Real Beauty on how a “normal” looking woman is primped and primed for a photo shoot, and then the photos are manipulated to make her look like a completely different, and “more marketable”, person.
~via.
there is, of course, a great irony in a company that sells beauty products telling you you’re already beautiful, and lots of people have taken issue with this (and the fact that even their “real” models are better looking than the average person on the street, just a little.bit.bigger) but i think that’s really beside the point.
the point, i think, is, to put it crudely, “you’re not as ugly as you think you are/the media tells you that you are.” not that you’re perfect, but that you’re average. just like everyone else. is that a good message? i don’t know. a lot of people are creeped out by this campaign because of these mixed messages.
but, what i take away from it is this: with some good lighting and make-up, every woman in the world could be Cover Girl beautiful: on film. for that reason, i encourage every woman out there with low self-esteem to splurge someday and go get their hair did and get themselves some professional photos taken. for some women it only happens on their wedding day, and i think perhaps that’s part of the reason it’s so special. i think it’s a huge boost to the ego knowing that the women you see in magazines (AND in movies – they edit moving film too) are not as perfect as everyone thinks they are, and that with a little soft lighting and lipstick, our inner beauty can suddenly shine through in the same way. some feminists might have a problem with that recommendation, but whatever. i’m not a feminist, and i believe in beauty.
previously linked on this topic:
naked-real people take off their clothes
airbrushing extremes- a photog reveals his tricks
retouched – more airbrushing
8 Responses to “the campaign for “real” beauty”
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Amy, your struggle with beauty is all about what’s going on inside you, not on the outside. You need to discover whatever magic you need to realize:
1) You are beautiful
2) There will always be someone who tells you you aren’t
3) So what that you’re beautiful?
4) Who do you really want to be? What will matter most to you when you are old (and not as beautiful)? That you were once beautiful? That you endured expensive and painful treatments to get your acne under control? That you spent so much time worrying about whether others thought you were pretty? That you seized upon the power your beauty gives you and really made an impression in a way that was positive for you?
Your many photos are wonderful eye candy. You are a very attractive young woman. Many of the things you may think of as flaws give you a cute-ness or spunk or whatever that is very photogenic.
But I visit your site primarily to hear you talk about issues and your own life. The very charming photos are nice, but they are only a tiny portion of who you are and why folks love and admire you.
I wouldn’t bother to post this, but you really do make many references to your personal appearance. That is something you will no doubt be coming to terms with as you grow older (like it or not). I (and many others) wish you only the best in relation to these personal challenges.
not sure why … but this post made me cry a little. I guess I never realized that this was an issue for you – I figured you always saw the gorgeous perfect cover model that I see when I look at you.
thanks – those links are PRICELESS.
thanks, jon, for your words, and i have a few thoughts on that. first, i believe i am beautiful in the same way that everyone is beautiful. i have complete faith in that. however, that kind of beautiful and superficial beautiful are totally different, and it’s very hard for most women to reconcile the two.
second, someone on tribe asked how i felt about this issue in light of the fact that i’m currently doing some fashion modeling, and my answer sort of addresses reagan’s comment.
i don’t consider myself “a model”. i call what i do “dressing-up” and it’s much more like acting for me. even still, it’s very much outside of my comfort zone, and i’m not nearly as self-assured about it as i think some people assume i am. in fact, when i was in minnesota recently for my friend’s wedding and saw a lot of people from college, i hesitated to even MENTION i was doing it because i didn’t want to talk about it. i didn’t want to see that look on people’s faces that i know is hiding that thought of “she’s a model??”. i didn’t want to try to explain to them the kind of thing i’m doing (totally alternative) and why i’m doing it (because i told myself that i was going to put myself out there more this year and do things outside of my comfort zone for once). despite the fact that i post photos of it here, i am not going around telling all the world i’m a model, because i have issues with that that word means to people, and also because of how insecure i feel about telling anyone that i might be one.
Amy, yes of course you are beautiful in the way that everyone is beautiful, but you’re also easy on the eye. I know you must have days that it comes easier than others (just like we all have days when we can think clearly and days we can not). I’m not saying this to be smarmy or to boost your ego (or even under the mistaken impression that it will have any real impact on your confidence), but facts are facts. It’s like any of the questions we all ask ourselves — can I play guitar, can I sing, am I good at my job, do I hoop well, am I a good writer, etc. etc. You posed the question by bringing it up and I am just saying that yes, you are obviously very pretty. Look at some of your own photos if you doubt that.
But I think achieving the kind of outward beauty you are striving for takes work. It takes grace and style and practice. You do not need to be ashamed that you are taking on that challenge. Yes some people say that outward appearance doesn’t matter and thinking about it must mean you’re shallow, but this is the real world and outward appearance does (sometimes) matter and everyone thinks about it at least a little. It something like money. It’s better to have it than to be homeless, and there is nothing wrong with thinking about how to make money and some people find they are pretty good at it. You shouldn’t be obsessed about it and you shouldn’t destroy others in your pursuit of it (and the world would be better if it didn’t exist) , but there is nothing wrong with providing for yourself. It is naive to think you DON’T have to provide for yourself. So taking on a challenge and putting yourself out there and growing in the process is something commendable. Learn what you learn and use your skills to light up a room. Just don’t get obsessed with it and don’t overly worry about others being jealous or petty. I really try not to preach, mostly because it is ineffective, but you touched a nerve. The recent photos you have posted show real progress, not in beauty, but in poise and elegance and the kinds of things I think you have been paying attention to, so it seems odd to let your doubts go unanswered with some observations from someone who doesn’t know you and has nothing to gain or lose by giving you an opinion.
We, as a culture, have become so enamored of superficial beauty that really truly beautiful and unique people are passed over for airbrushed magazine cover beauty. And I think we’ve lost a lot in the process.
I may not be beautiful but I feel beautiful to myself and I think that’s really the important thing.
I will echo and agree with Jon, while I like seeing photos of you and Jay having fun in your crazy getups (in a good way!), the real reason I keep coming back here is because I am interested in what interests you because you are someone I admire. And not just for your long-skirt mad hooping skills.
You make me think and you make me rethink why I think the way I do and that’s both highly welcome and hard to do.
Air brushed perfection may be nice but the total package of beauty from without and beauty from within is far more compelling, combine it with passion and I can’t help but keep coming back for more.
Unfortunately this issue surrounds just about every woman I know. I struggle to not beat myself up over beauty and intelligence issues daily.
I also don’t wear makeup or shave and manage to stay attractive enough. My real issues lie in what I think my body looks like.
To be honest, the best possible thing I can do for myself is visit nude hot springs. It helps me realize that we are all so incredibly different and all so incredibly beautiful.
dirtgirl – i am SO with you on the nude hot springs. i was trying to explain that to a friend of mine who is super self-conscious about her naked self that when you go to a place where EVERYONE is naked, you see straight up that no one has a perfect body and it makes you feel downright comfortable in your own skin, IMO. it’s sort of counter-intuitive, i understand, but i think it’s an incredibly freeing experience.
Amy, I am always struck by your thoughtfulness and maturity. I hope that doesn’t sound patronizing. Your blogs always get me thinking. From the perspective of a forty one year old, it’s interesting to hear about your self-doubt and periodic insecurity. I NEVER felt beautiful when I was young. Yet here I am as a middle-aged woman FEELING beautiful. Not always. Photos still make me cringe. But when I hoop and am in the zone, when I sing with a friend and our harmonies really blend, when I am playing with my eight year old daughter, I often feel beauty inside. I know that I will never be photogenic or attractive in a conventional way. I am going to grow old, wrinkles are certainly setting in, my skin is no longer youthful, but you know what? So fucking what! I’m going to take care of myself and that means taking care of the inside and the outside. Hooping, therapy, enjoying my work, appreciating my sweet family. All of those things fulfill me and make me whole and the beauty that I appreciate in others is that sense of wholeness and completeness and satisfaction that they exude in life. I definitely enjoy the beauty of aesthetics and fashion. It can be a wonderful art. However, I work hard to not put myself down in front of my daughter. I don’t disparage myself for not being pretty. I admire the way you challenge yourself and you are upfront about uncomfortable feelings. I encourage you to continue on your path. Keep playing that edge and you will discover your strengths and your boundaries. Many thanks for sharing your thought with us.